the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
