I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
