just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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