Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
