this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
