Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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