well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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