Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
