some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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