he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He? As in you personified your dick?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
