i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
