Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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