Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
