Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
