yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
