THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
