he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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