Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
