The maid of honor just puked.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
