This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
