Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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