apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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