no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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