It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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