and you said cock pushups were impossible
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
