i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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