Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
