just tell him i said nine months
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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