She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
