You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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