don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
