I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
