everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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