i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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