You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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