My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
