I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
