PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
