Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
