Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
