my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You pole danced in your parka.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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