oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
