Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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