I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
