You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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