i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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