what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
