I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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