i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
