So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
there is glitter all over my balls
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
