what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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