I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We need to rekindle our bromance
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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