so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
