so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
