I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
