do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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