Already got asked if we're dating
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
