why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
