Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
