he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
