I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
