I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
