flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
