i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
